Cort the rip

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting

To do this I have tried to have to describe what the characters think and feel. This is a story I changed with my bro.

The Rip                                              

   

There were two brothers who were not at all alike; they were different in every way. The younger brother stayed on the sand and the older brother was always in the water. The older brother liked to swim with his bros, diving, tumbling, bombing, snorkeling, and surfing in the waves. During the day the older brother liked to go on lots of action adventures but the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes the older brother would creep up on the

 younger brother and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” teased the older brother.

One morning their mother got angry with them,“ like a cat and a mouse!” out you go together,’’ she said, and try to be nice to each other just for once’, Jack is out swimming bombing and having fun while James is playing on the sand. jack tells James to come out for a swim because it is hot. James looks at the waves and thinks there to big for him to handle. ‘’James get in to hear you little baby or I will drag you in’’ said Jack‘’James said no I will not leave this sandbank’’.Jack goes out too far then he gets caught in a rip and gets pulled out over 50 meters away from shore.

 

His brother waited for him to come back from the water. Fear gripped his heart tears tethering to burst from his eyes. Knowing his brother might not come back James jumps in the water to go follow jack, knowing there were jellyfish, stingrays, and sharks but he was determent to save or see where his brother is. As James was swimming out to jack, he saw a fin behind jack. James started to yell’’ shark! Shark! Behind you’’ swim to me, Jack said’’ you swim to me the current is too strong’’.OK! Then he swims to him and they swim together slow and steady knowing there was a shark behind them. They made it to the sandbank thanking James for saving him.

They ran through the sand, down the road, and through the door. When they reached home, their mom was washing the dishes.’’ Hello,’’ she said, ’’ you two seem very quiet.‘’ is everything alright?’’ Jack smiled at his brother. James smiled back.