(Orientation: setting, character)
Kayden, do you notice you change how the story is told a few times? There is the narrator and then you tell it from a first-person perspective (I) but then change to a third-person perspective (he)
The abandoned highways were green with weeds and plants, the skyscrapers and hotels were flooded with plants inside and outside. The city was rotting away and nature was taking over!! But one civilian survived who was forty-five years old. …
Problem
I was talking to myself. Why did they all disappear?’ This question haunted me. One day I will find them, he decided. One unusual day he struck luck; it was a clue about his family on a 570 flip phone which says they were in a quarantine facility on the West Side. I was startled for a couple seconds then I realized what I had to do!! Brmmm brm mmm I vanished in the foggy mist two hours later my wrist ceased up on the throttle boom!! I woke up trying to lift his motorbike up and crack his arm went.
Complication: what makes things trickier
Two days later after the big accident, he started his walk three miles in. I was exhausted, my arms were slowing me down, but I did not give up. I ripped my shirt in strips making it hold my arm up then ran like nothing was holding me back until nighttime. I saw lights through the foggy mist and noise. It was the quarantine facility guarded by gorilla boots, armed with guns.
Complication
Then I clicked, all my army and ninja training was for a moment like now, my army crawled through the grass with a broken arm. Then I said ‘’up ahead there's a tunnel aye captain’’. Just like me and my family would play. Boom, I walked into the tunnel. Disgusting, hatred, boulders - which one will kill him first? I ran hoping to find a way out then!! It was a hole into the family prison cell but whose prison cell it was? my family.
Solution
We all gave each other a big hug I said ‘’ouch my arm.’’
‘‘What happened? Mum asked.
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